life corousel

Bits and pieces

Tiny bits,

tiny bits,

tiny bits,

dunno why i am rhythmical,

by far,its not logical,

shall i be cynical?

To the depth core of my soul?

At this time of other years past

At this time of the year,

I am contented to be who i am

and what i have became

At this time of the year,

I had gain some friends

maitained some

and even losses some

Some of the losses were hurtful

But you have to learn the art of letting go

Some of my friends that i thought was really close to me

just disappeared or drifted apart

But at this time around

I am happy to be who i am

I know myself better

I starting to work harder

I aim higher

I know i fall a few times,

Sometimes i got my knees bruised

and battered.

But i wont give up

This feeling so strong

I am anxious for things to come

for things to be right

for me to do it right

Love,

i had love you there and then,

Love will always be part of me

Love can never be

the other way

Journey of self discovery

Had thought me to balance me

Life itself had been a teacher

teachers the most valuable lessons,

At times like these,

i learn more

i hurted more

i feel more

i earn more

i spend more

i studied more

i had it more

than i think i could

life is not worth it

if you dont fight

worthless even when you give up

Kalau nak pergi, pergi

Pergi lah kalau nak pergi

tak payah hesitate

tak yah nak wat-wat act camni

camtu

wat ape ko nak saketkan ati lagi

xke menyusahkan diri

pergi lah

pergi

tak rugi pun klu pergi

pergi~

Miss Vasantha

I would have devoted myself on reading earlier in times of my younger life. IF there are a thing or two that my English teachers remind us back at school is the of reading. They teach you how to be debate-full, and confident with yourself.  I had an indian English teacher who would usually harass me with her guts and questions. She was always the one with higher disciplines and always snaps me when i was day dreaming in class. She does not accept excusses even if you exercise book had really been wet and you cant finish you work. She would simply say ” Maybe you should buy another one and do the whole thing again”  And believe me, back at school, all the English homeworks were that simple and nice. You have 5 inches thick  fie where you have to compose all your work accordingly.

Well. this Indian English teacher of mine really is something. She’s the discipline teacher with a grip strength of a man. She used to be the centre force of tug-of-war during sports days. She was too our house teacher that would say hard words just to motivate us to work harder. And yeah, she particularly remembers my name, FULLY.

Of all efforts, i remained passive back at school, i had a low self confidence and nearly non existence of my 5 year of high school life. I was just, somewhere else. i remember more of my teachers and classes rather my friends.

What friendship actually means to you?

One day a friend of mine asked me whats the meaning of my name. I said ” It means true friend “. What i am sure of, i was always there for my friends, even if i don,i will try my best.  But i always do. Contrary, i ‘m not sure if my friends will help me in return.

Friends.

They always give me heart aches too much. Not sure whether they are true ones or just plain fake smiling faces in front of you. Well, i am used to be happy to live in my own world.  It taken me by surprise when others actually confront me saying that i am selfish. As far as i am concerned, i do greet them whenever i see them. In return, they say i am ‘ berlagak’ . So much of nice knowing me huh?

So maybe i am a bit in my own world. I live alone. I walk alone. Ok, i don t talk alone. I just am a person who appreciate private time on my own. I dont reserved benefits to other people, such as gossiping,( where people usually bond to), or bitching, or lend a certain degree of ‘kindness’ and in debt of ‘kindness’ towards others.I just mind my own business. And at times. i do seek the pleasure of socializing with friends that who are true to me. Others, i just smile patiently and tried to have a pleasant conversation for them, though it feels forced.

A certain friend of  a longer year once told me ” Anis, you are so easy to influence ”

But there are friends of a few months who usually say ” Ey, ko ni degil la. Semua nak ikut cakap kau je ”

Do you see the difference?

People judge you too shallow, they only see what is easy to be seen on the surface, but never really dived in to know what it in them. They call it, Judging a book by its cover. But you never really bother to read inside. Perhaps, the content is so much better. Or maybe it is just not the kind of book thats appeal to you.

Music playing : Lenka - Dangerous and Sweet.

Broken Strings

Let me hold you for the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can’t feel anything

When I love you and so untrue
I can’t even convince myself
When I’m speaking it’s the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it’s not enough
To make it all okay

You can’t play our broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there’s nothing left to say
It’s like chasing the very last train
When it’s too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it’s not enough
To make it all okay

You can’t play our broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

But we’re running through the fire
When there’s nothing left to say
It’s like chasing the very last train
When we both know it’s too late, too late

You can’t play our broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
So how can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again

the E.N.D

somethings just had to end

and i hope its permenent

malas nak look back already

chapter close

New chapter please

Reasons of blogging

I started writing journals when i was form 1. Those times, i had an inferiority complex and everything was like a rollercoaster for me. I felt so down, my confidence were never boost and were always sad. It ended when i was in F3.

Well, no body knew what i was experiencing. I was busy licking my wounds and sheding invisible tears down my cheeks.  But things were better when i started write down my emotions and a piece of paper, and just threw it away. That was therapeutic. SO the writing pleasure begins.

Out dated

I read a 17-magazine, and I feel so out of date.not interested. Shallow and completely lame..pffftt

Medical misjudgements and misconducts.

I know that doctors are just humans..and hospitals are conducted by humans.. with such exposure to human errors.

I have hurt numerous cases of medical misconduct.. Such misconducts involving mistakes in judgement, slow bearoucracy* ( not sure if i spell that correctly), slow response and keep others in hold until..decided yet..

Such mistakes could be forgiven if you are in a different industries. People will get sick endlessly, It is part of the naturity of  the business. But being careless..delays are not forgivable.